“Somewhere out there, someone needs this, & my vulnerability brings connectedness.”
This week’s #lifebeatsforme feature in which we highlight a member of the community who is living their every day extraordinarily is bravely told by Carly Wood @carly_woodcw of @thegardenspot.
“At my baby shower a little over 9 years ago I was 35 weeks pregnant with our precious Scarlett.
At the time, I honestly would have never in a million years thought that I might NEVER experience pregnancy again! (I think I’ve been in denial for almost 9 years.)
It’s really hard to look back. Like really hard.
I wish I would have taken more pictures, soaked it in, & relished the opportunity more. I don’t talk about it much. It hurts. A lot.
The feeling of creating another human inside of my body is one I NEVER want to forget! I feel so very blessed I got to experience this amazing blessing! I know so many whom never have.
Lately I’ve been feeling like journaling & facing this needs to be part of a healing process for me. (9 years & I’m finally realizing this; I’m a slow learner.) I may never have the opportunity to bear another child here on this earth. But our Heavenly Father has a plan for ME & I’m learning most of the time, it’s not the same as what I have planned.
Over the years I have felt every emotion you could possibly think of; sadness, regret, anger, self-pity, yearning, alone, crushed, dark, jealousy, pain, loss, & why? I’ve felt like less than a woman, a failure, left out of the club. I’ve felt a disconnect with other women. {When people are pregnant or have new babies, no one asks a parent of an only child for any advice.} I’ve wished Andrew would have married someone else, so he could have a larger family & Scarlett would have the siblings she’s always asked for.
But…I can feel the refining power of my HF. I’m trying to become better, not bitter from my trail. I haven’t always done well with this. I’ve pushed people away because of my insecurities, drawn back & turned inward. I’m digging deep to pull out my light thats been buried. Somewhere on the other side of my soul, I’m beginning to accept my HF’s plan for me. It’s not easy, but somehow, he ALWAYS knows best. & I’m hoping to become a little more polished because of it.”
Yes Carly! Someone out there need this! The power of vulnerability is the gift of connection. Friends I’d love to share a piece of your story! Tag me @lifebeatsproject and #lifebeatsforme or email me at [email protected]. Your story is worthy of inspiring others!
